I am not good at small talk.  I’m actually so bad at small talk that one of the first things I ever did as a pastor was to google “How to make small talk.”  I eventually found a website that gave me a list of good questions that would work as conversation starters.  They were questions about the weather and sports and movies and politics.  I eventually realized that I didn’t care much about any of those things.

Being an introvert and a pastor was complicated.  I had no idea what to say to people, and for 30 minutes before and after services each Sunday, my job was to connect with people.  And I genuinely wanted to connect.  That’s when I noticed the last question on the list I had printed out: “What have you been doing this week?”  

It tapped into the one thing I really care about – people.  So I tried it – the next Sunday I asked over a dozen people that one question.  Each one of them had an answer.  Some looked surprised that I cared.  Several actually shared things that led them to tears.  Each conversation allowed me a tiny window into someone’s life.

So I tried again the next week.  And the next.  For twenty years as a pastor, I asked this single question over and over and over.  I often wondered if people would get sick of it.  They never did.  The question stayed the same, but every week the answers changed.  I heard about job changes and family struggles.  I heard about boring days and happy days.  

Eventually I realized something.  Asking people about their week over and over communicated the one message they needed the most: that I cared.  They didn’t care about my question staying the same as long as my caring for them stayed the same as well.